Connection

Image by Priscilla du Preez from Unsplash

Substack 11/2/25

Connection

Welcome Community of my Heart and thank you for coming here! If you like what you read, I would love it if you would click the ‘like’ button, and comment as well. Liking a post affects the algorithm and raises its appearance in the Substack app. Check out “Notes” on my main page too.

“Traditional models of mental health prioritize independence & autonomy, but therapists who study women find that we grow toward & with connection. Traditional models of mental health prioritize logic & better thinking, but therapists who study women find that we grow through deeper feelings and the cultivation of empathy and intuition. This is why traditional therapy may not have worked for you. You were hurt in relationship, and in therapy you should have had the opportunity to heal in relationship.” Jennifer Westrom

Years ago, my friend Ann told me there was a difference in how men and women dealt with stressful situations. From research she had read she said that men tend to fight or run away, the responses we’ve all heard, fight or flight. But, she said, women tend to gather together, talk things out, vent, (which helps heal telomeres, the tips of our chromosomes that become frayed with stress and age), and help each other as we pass through these challenging times in our lives. As this reflected my own experience I loved this explanation. I had been in therapy many times: upon my divorce, play therapy for my son, marriage therapy with my second husband, and various other instances in between. Almost none of it resonated with my heart, and some of it was insulting, i.e. textbook theories that don’t work well in real life. No one recognized my empathic nature or valued my intuition. I realized that most therapy is based on how males think and not how females live and experience life.

There are a couple of well-known therapists who understand this to a degree, (Harville Hendrix and Tim Arrigo), but they still base their theories in traditional patriarchal values for the most part, and they are men, incapable of deeply understanding what it means to be female.

And this is one of the reasons why I write. I have dedicated myself to being a ‘sower of seeds,’ in the words of MC Richards, another one of Ann’s gifts to me. In Richard’s book Centering, she writes-

“Centering… brings us what we don’t already know. We may find, yes, that yesterday is over, and we do not perpetuate old confusions. We do not cling to the savagery of nationalisms, or the shame we feel for being as we are. We stand on the shore of an ocean and the pure wind blows us fresh and we wake out of an anguish of inner conflict into a deep breath that lets us rise to our feet and in a new levity we dance. It could be said that fidelity to the processes of Centering is a path to full breathing, to a balance willingly at risk.”

This seed I am planting today will hopefully resonate with everyone who desires a new way to address their fears and foibles. Rather than write extensively about the experience, business, ramifications, and instructions about gathering with friends to find support and community, I encourage you to give it a try. Find a mentor, create a women’s group, read Substacks that open your heart, meet with friends in quiet places so you can listen and share.

I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments-what worked for you, what your friends think about this concept, or a comment about your feelings as you discover a powerful tool for your continued evolution into the true version of the woman you are.