Creative Practice

“The creative act restores us to our place in the mystery.” Mark Nepo

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Freyja, the Norse Goddess of creativity called me to rest my creative heart, and I answered. For a long time, my creative life had been bleak. Initially I was confused by this turn of events. I have been ‘making’ all my life, enjoying many different techniques and crafts, and yet, a quilt, in pieces, had languished on my sewing table for over a year. I had a partially knit sweater that lived in a drawer for years. I had another quilt waiting in a basket by my chair….again, for years. I continued to knit, my go-to form of making, thank wool, and I draw faces and mandalas in my journal, but the call to fill my life again with creativity had left me. No scrapbooking, jewelry making, rubber stamping….nothing.

At first I was perplexed, wondering where my mojo went. I only wanted to return to the past. I wanted the familiarity of that sense of accomplishment when I completed a project. It was a high that ran through every day, and somehow it had left me, and I searched for it aimlessly. I’d spend some time before the easel in my art room, but having no idea what to paint. Or I’d make plans to draw in my sketchbook every day, and other things always got in the way. Empty pages, languishing art supplies, and continually broken plans to engage myself with my creative heart.

Creativity has always been a refuge for me, and now, I felt like it was letting me down. Listening to my favorite music didn’t motivate me. Taking photos during my walks around the village didn’t stimulate my ‘making mind.’ And I became lost trying to regain my creative center.

I decided to follow a new inclination I felt, to knit a blanket. I have always loved long-term projects, but I had never made such a big one. Goodness! It would take forever I thought. The day the cone of blue merino wool arrived I cast on 225 stitches and began an odyssey of fiber-love. Every day through that winter I knit while reading, watching movies, or chatting on Facetime with friends. In Sharon Blackie’s words, “Thread by thread, stitch by stitch, I began to knit myself back into existence.” All my thoughts and feelings knit into a blanket I pictured myself wrapping around myself during cold winter evenings. Indeed, it kept me warm while knitting it. And then, miraculously, I felt the tension of ‘not knowing’ melt away and I let myself be carried on the mystery of making. That winter the sacred work of making brought me to a place I’d never been-complete acceptance. Acceptance of whatever is happening at any moment, acceptance of my fears & sadness, of uncertainty, not just in my creative life but in every moment. The yoga of knitting saved me from my need to know why and taught me to live in the moment, again. Sometimes we just need a reminder, and that blue blanket was, and is, the greatest reminder to stay present, enjoy the process, and give myself the rest I need.